I remembered two more updates:
1. I'm completely off psychiatric medications now, and have been since the end of November. I definitely notice the difference, but it's not enough of a difference for me to want to get back on them right now. One thing I notice is that I'm focusing more on past confrontations: one from the past year I thought I was coping okay with is going through my mind a lot more now that I'm off medication. I will have to re-read the cognitive-behavioral therapy book. I can PREFER but not DEMAND, and so forth.
2. The ex-boyfriend (the one who called out of the blue to talk about how optimism and meaning have gone out of his life) emailed me to ask how difficult my divorce was on all levels, and if he could call me to talk about it at length. So. Mystery revealed. And it shouldn't have been a mystery, now that I can look BACK on it: his recent weight loss and snappy clothes, his dissatisfaction with life, his impression that he used to laugh and have fun, the loss of his business, calling the ex-girlfriend---these all add up to "man buying a mid-life crisis and about to make his wife and kids pay for it." Plus, the reason I broke up with him is that he kept cheating on me. Sooooo....this explains why when we were talking about psychological stuff and I asked if he was "seeing someone" (a poor choice of words, but I was trying to tread lightly), he started choking and coughing.
I don't know if I want to talk to him about it or not. It makes me feel weary already: I remember how he endlessly justifies his behavior and fails to take responsibility, so I don't really want to hear him do that now, especially if the stakes now involve his wife (who seems like she's GOOD) and two little kids. I don't know if I'll be able to handle hearing some guy my age give "his reasons" for leaving a woman like me with kids like mine. But I think I WILL talk to him. Or maybe not. I don't know. Probably I will, but I suspect it will not go well and there won't be a second talk about it: he'll want my support in his decision, and I doubt he'll get it, so he'll move on to some other ex-girlfriend.
Oh, geez. I would not be looking forward to that call.
ReplyDeleteHe kind of sounds like a douche.
I agree with Devan. Not something I'd want to be dragged into.
ReplyDeleteI seem to have strong feelings about this guy, so I won't mince words. I say, absolutely do not talk to him. He is not your responsibility, and basically wants to suck you dry. If a high school or even college boyfriend contacted me at this time in life, I would give him the big fat brush off.
ReplyDeleteYou are being way too nice to this guy. Give those precious moments of your life to something worthwhile, like the television, or eating cookies, or your children!
Also, congrats on the medication. I think I said this last time, but here's more of my unsolicited advice: keep exercising, it's what helps me the most.
he sounds like my ex.
ReplyDeletepreface the conversation, if you choose to have one, with "I'm not going to be a supportive ear to someone who cheats and leaves his wife and kids. So, if that's what you're looking for, I'm not it." or something to that effect. I'm sure he'll suddenly find an excuse to get off the phone.
again, thank your lucky stars: you def. dodged a bullet with that one!
I know that "weary before we've even begun this conversation" feeling. I'll be interested to hear what you decide and/or how it goes...
ReplyDeleteSo. Tell me the name of your congnitive-behavioral therapy book of choice.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wouldn't call him. If it were me, I would just get upset and start making accusations at MY husband because LL Cool J is a jerk. Because I am classy like that.
Oh, Misty, ME TOO. In fact, I am already finding myself looking at Mike askance and thinking "YOU better not be thinking any of this STUPID CRAP." Meaning the stupid crap I'm assuming my ex-boyfiend is thinking, which I haven't even confirmed yet, so I'm like two levels removed from rationality.
ReplyDeleteThe one I read was the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies WORKBOOK (http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Workbook-Dummies/dp/0470517018)---but since I declined to work in the workbook, if I were re-buying I would get the non-workbook version (http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Psychology/dp/0470665416).
Just have to say I keep re-reading the line with "...these all add up to "man buying a mid-life crisis and about to make his wife and kids pay for it." because that is such a clever and true way to put it. Maybe that's an expression I just haven't heard before, but it's spot on!
ReplyDeleteI would recommend staying far away from ex, as in faarrr away. He just wants to use you for justification in how he is feeling and what he is doing. That is what therapists are for. Also don't let it in anyway affect your feelings toward Mike! Please, please, please
ReplyDelete