A beloved, adored relative of mine made a crack about how yeah, we don't need any more of THAT in politics---with the word "that" being a skin-color reference.
I've written before about how this kind of thing knocks me right down. I feel like I can come to terms with the fact that there are ignorant, nasty jerks in the world, people who couldn't understand the word "rational" if you gave a six-part lecture series on the topic. What blows my mind is when a kind, good, intelligent, BELOVED person in my life has an ignorant, nasty, jerky opinion. I have trouble reconciling it.
Last time I wrote about this, a lot of you said that what you do is just love the person for the good in who they are, and let go of the bad stuff. I think this is good advice. I also find it hard to apply: my brain kicks against it. I hear someone say something awful, and my heart wilts. I can't love the person the way I otherwise could.
It's not a matter of requiring PERFECTION from the people I love, heavens no! Everyone is flawed, everyone screws up, etc. etc. OBV. It's that there's a huge difference between someone making a human mistake, and someone having a part of their brain that allows them to feel justified in believing something evil.
I have a really hard time with that too. Sorry you have to deal with it. Difference of opinion is one thing—things like you mention here are something else entirely.
ReplyDeleteI believe that if you stand by silently you are as guilty as if you agreed outloud. I open my big stupid mouth and say "so what you're saying is black people are dumb/bad/etc?" I get a lot of practice because people are always saying "that's so gay" in front of me.
ReplyDeleteIt's possible I mentioned this before when you posted about this, I am just too lazy to go back and look. :)
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather (my father's, father), was the most racist person I have ever known. Which SUCKED when I was a kid (he passed away when I was 12). First reason why it sucked is because my mom is 50% Native American. So naturally, we were not "pure" which we were told more than once. But probably the worst was when I was in 2nd grade, we were over at their house and I mentioned something about black history month at school. He lost his MIND. He was screaming at my parents "You will NOT send her to school for the entire month of February! She WILL NOT learn about those N-Words! It is not right!" My parents grabbed me by the arm and my brother and stormed out of the house. All while my dad was screaming that he will not allow his children to listen to this BS and if my grandfather couldn't keep his horrible comments to himself around the kids then we would never set foot in his house again and he would never be allowed in our house again. It was THE ONLY time my dad stood up to his father. I was 8 years old and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was really hard for my dad to say anything but I think he had finally had it. So I agree with your comment above, sometimes because of how you were raised or what you believe, you can not say anything to your "elders" because you have to be "respectful" (this is how I was raised). Other times you don't even realize what they have said until hours later and it's too late. Or you don't deal with confrontation well and you can't say anything.
I so identify with this. Case in point: I believe that gay marriage should be legal. It's a no brainer. Everyone is equal! The End.
ReplyDeleteMy husband does not believe this.
We do fight over it (a lot during elections) but, yet, I (and he) still manage to love each other. Do I think he's wrong? Oh, hell yes. (He thinks the opposite, obv.) It might sound bad, but I have to push it out of my mind, and love the good stuff and just remind myself that sometimes he is an idiot. (I also have extremely high hopes that he will come around and change his mind at some point.)
However, sometimes when I'm in the moment of the disagreement I wonder HOW I can be married to THIS GUY and still love him. I think sometimes you just do, even though it can be, well... irritating. (to put it mildly...)
Yeah, I don't cut those people out of my life, but I don't respect them.
ReplyDeleteI can't get past that stuff either. I do a lot of abruptly walking out of the room when I'm around my in-laws. That's about the most "confrontation" that I can muster, unfortunately. I do daydream about a day where I stand up to these types of people though. There are far too many of them in my life.
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