Update on the Sister in the House

Do you remember This is Why I Don't Tell You These Things, in which Mike tried to defend the decision to let his sister live in their mother's house rent-free and indefinitely by turning it into something about ME and how crazy _I_ was? I knew I would need to revisit this subject with him, but I didn't know how.

The way I did it was, I waited until I was sufficiently liquored up and I felt ready, and I said to him, out of the blue, while cooking dinner, "I know you're trying to keep us from getting all excited about chickens before they hatch [that was one of his excuses for keeping it from me], but the way it makes me feel is like you're excluding me from important decisions that affect our family, and that you're keeping secrets from me."

I let him process this for a minute (he seemed affectionate and sympathetic, like "Oh, my sweet and silly wifey!"), and then I launched into my primary issues. I feel like you're all so up on these things you already know, but the gist was (1) this current arrangement is unfair, and (2) this current arrangement is crazy, and (3) this current arrangement will lead to problems in the future.

I don't know if it had an effect. I said my piece, and he said a few things that I countered (examples:

1. he said his sister seemed pretty responsible and mature, and I said she was 34 and living with their mother because she got kicked out by the two roommates she tried to live with because she didn't do her share

2. he said he was sure it was just temporary and I said Uh huh and had anything been decided about who would pay for household repairs? No? HUH

3. he said that he was employed by a good company and couldn't ask his single sister to pay rent or take out a mortgage for half the house, and I pointed out that we could also see it as his free-and-clear sister who had 1.5 jobs and no children and no expenses vs. he who had a family and a mortgage).


And then I left for my evening walk, and we haven't said anything since.

The best I can hope for is that what I said is percolating. There are two worsts: (1) that he will ignore what I said, or that (2) he will agree, but will be unable to muster the intestinal fortitude to do anything about it.

Not that I even know what SHOULD be done. Because what SHOULD have been done is his sister never should have suggested such an arrangement, and I don't know how to handle someone who WOULD suggest it.


**** UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE ****

He just now forwarded me an email exchange he had with his sister, which he prefaced to me "Well, I tried." And would you like to know what he tried? He tried whining a little to her that he hoped this wouldn't go on too long because owning half a house was weird and he didn't know how to do that on his taxes, and that maybe it would make sense for her to someday slowly buy out his half. THAT IS ALL HE SAID. To which she responded that he should ASK HIS ACCOUNTANT about the tax thing, and also that they (he and she) would need to pay for the roof to be replaced. His accountant. That would be ME, I guess, since I do our taxes.

Did he say, "Hey, Beth, we need to talk about the house. If we're not going to sell it now, we need to decide if we're going to rent it out or what. Are you interested in keeping the house? If so, let's have the house appraised and you can buy me out---I don't mind that the market is low right now." NO.

I don't even know how to reply to that crap "Well, I tried."