[This is a post by a "guest Constance": someone who doesn't want her own pink apartment but just wants to do a one-time post. If you'd like to do a guest-Constance post, email it to me: constancethefirst at gmail dot com.]
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Dear Husband,
Back the FUCK OFF. I know you love me and I love you. I know we've discussed having kids and both really want them. However, I do not want to have them right this moment. We've only been married for 2(!) months. I know I'm selfish for wanting to spend some time with it just being the two of us. I'm not sorry for wanting to get the daily kinks of being married worked out before we bring a kid into the scenario. I'm not sorry, but that's what I want. Yes, we've been together for almost 3 years, living together for a good chunk of that, have a fantastic house that we both love and will grow old in, and yes, I hear that clock tickiing. Yes, some day there will be klutzy, angry little Z's running around our house, and while we will be knee deep in kid shit, we will love them more than the world. I want babies with you more than you know.
However, there are several reasons I want to hold off on the baby train temporarily. We've discussed them at length, on multiple occasions, and each time you agree with me. Yet, when people ask if we're having kids, STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES when I say they're down the road a bit. You and I have agreed that we will not try until next summer. If it happens in between now and then, it happens, and we will love the kid no matter what. We've agreed.. So, in front of all the world to see, I'm going to remind you for the 3,937th time why we are waiting until next summer to start trying.
1) We just got married in June. We moved in April. While this is our dream home and we will retire in this house, there are some things I'd like to have first. Exhibit A: A kitchen table so we can have meals at as a family. Furniture for the type of other rooms we previously never had. You and I are both pretty sound when it comes to money and even though we have credit cards, we refuse to use them. Even though we're both saving for retirement, long term savings, etc., we've both agreed to save some extra dinero each month to furnish this giant house so we can stop looking like hillbillies. I'm not talking furniture worthy of Buckingham Palace, but we can hold off 3-6 months so our kid can have a table to eat at and a time-out couch to go to in the living room.
2a) You just got your dream job in March. This has been a bigger time commitment than either of us saw coming. You are going into your busy season, where you are gone from 6 am-8 pm, then have to watch film at home to prep for the next game. I'd like to get one season under our belt before the pregnancy horomones overtake me so we both know what's coming on your end. I'm trying to support you while you are stressed and will not be able to do that as well with crazy pregnant hormones. We both know girl hormones make me crazy.
2b) Because of said job & busy season, we can't start trying immediately after the season is done, because I'd most likely be giving birth during your next season. Yes, you've wanted kids forever and come so super close to having kids with your ex-wife before she yanked that rug out from under you. I'm not sorry I want you to be able to bask in the first-time parents panic and glow while you aren't stressed about work. I'm not sorry I want you to have the time to bond with our child. I'm not sorry I want you to learn enough about changing diapers that you won't ask me for help every 3 seconds. During your busy season? You will be too busy for help and changing diapers my friend, is something you are just going to have to do. I'm not sorry I want you to be a parent from the get go,and I realize that you will need to have the confidence built up to know you can do it once a little Z is here. That is just not possible during your busy season.
3) I'm only 27 years old and you're only 32. We have time.
4) We've agreed to wait until next summer to start to try. Remember this and stop harrassing me.
I love you. Now come have sex with me for recreational purposes only.
Love,
Your New Wife
Love this post. Here's another reason: Once you have kids, you'll be parents for the rest of your lives. You'll never be able to get back to being a newly married couple who can focus solely on each other. Yes, kids are awesome, but they are PERMANENT.
ReplyDeleteditto Mama Bub.
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