Oh, uh. I forgot to take my psychiatric medication three days in a row. That is, today is the fourth day, so I've missed three entire doses. That's not good! Think I'd better start taking that again, huh? As soon as I remembered it (several hours late even for the fourth day) I took it, and now I feel a little light-headed.
Actually, I considered stopping altogether. No, no, not abruptly---I know that's a bad idea, though after missing three doses anyway I did let the idea flit briefly through my mind. But I did think maybe the three missed doses could be like an inadvertent diet jump-start (like stomach flu in the diet analogy), and I could cut back more quickly.
I'm not sure the medication's been helping, and certainly I've put on weight (though hard to know if that's connected), and it definitely reduces my energy (unfortunately I seem to be anxiety-fueled), and it makes me more worried about an accidental pregnancy because the medications I'm trying now would be bad for that.
And I've been trying different things since September of 2008, and I'm starting to get tired of this---especially after recently reading an article that presented a discouraging point of view about whether certain psychiatric medications (all the ones I've been trying, basically) work. Um, yay. Oh, and, AND! Mike found a bunch of stuff online about how a lot of people have found that one of the medications I'm on makes them CRAVE ALCOHOL! Awesome! I'd kind of like to go off EVERYTHING: off the anxiety stuff, off the Pill. And THEN see how things go.
Then I remembered that whenever I'm on psychiatric medication I'm thinking I should go off it, and whenever I'm off it I'm thinking I should go on it, and I decided to stay put for the time being. On the other hand, at least I have a psychiatrist now, so I could taper off and then it would be way easier to go back on if I wanted to. Well, I'm still thinking it over. My inclination is to plan on taking a break: taper off, then stop taking the Pill, then if that's a disaster go back on the Pill and then taper back on the psychiatric stuff.
Are we talking The Pill? That could be interesting!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I am not a doctor of any sort but if you think something is off, whether that be the Pill or the other pills, then you should trust your judgement. Maybe after you are off of everything, you'd think, now why did I go and do that? But then, well, you'd know instead of wondering. I hate wondering.
ReplyDelete(Un)fortunately I've been remembering the Pill! I take the psychiatric stuff in the a.m. and the Pill in the p.m. and for some reason I totally forgot the a.m. stuff while remembering the p.m. stuff. Er, probably for the best.
ReplyDeleteOops, meant to put "Devan" in front of that comment.
ReplyDeleteJenn- Yes, that's what I'm thinking, because even if it's a mistake I could just go back on! I'm starting to feel enthusiastic about this idea.
How does Mike feel about the No Pill idea? I thought I remember threats of the Snip if no Pills were involved....
ReplyDeleteNot that it is any of my damn business. :) Just curious.
Misty- Hee, no, I love talking about this stuff! I am pretty sure he'll take Snip Action if I go off the Pill, but he hasn't specifically threatened, and it might take him Quite Some Time to actually follow-through since I'm not making the appointment for him or anything. Also, he might go along with, say, a 2-month hiatus "just to see." Also-also, I'm getting more and more willing to go ahead with the snip plans, if he seriously-seriously-for-real-seriously won't agree to more kids.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever, ever, ever, stop taking your psychiatric meds without an appointment with the psychiatrist. One of the problems with depression and anxiety is that we are so clueless when we're in it and when we're out of it. It's like you said, you always want to be on when you're off, and you always want to be off when you're on. My recommendation would to get back to your normal dosages of everything, then jot down feelings throughout the day in a planner or journal. Make an appointment with the psychiatrist in one month, and take the journal with you. Try to jot down things like "3:00 super tired" "4:00 anxiety about risks of drugs" with specific times attached so that you can possibly see a pattern. It may be that you've got a case of the 2:30's, and you're blaming your meds instead of just having a cup of coffee. It may be that you are making yourself paranoid with googling shit. It may be that you're about to be riding the crimson tide and you've got a serious case of the "fuck this"s. I mean, isn't it about that time of the month? (creepy that I kind of know my favorite blogger's schedules)
ReplyDeleteJust remember, you know your body, yes, but you are also unfortunately in the clutches of a disease that makes your point of view a little skewed. The psychiatrist is a medical professional with an objective and clinical point of view. You may want to do this now, then regret it a week later and get even more frustrated. You need a second opinion from a professional.
On the other hand, I fucking hate the pill. I fucking hate it. The only thing that didn't make me a dried up old ice queen of dick rejection was the ring, and of course there isn't a generic, and I'm not paying 50 bucks a month to have sex, like, twice. However! After baby I was on a progesterone only pill that seemed to lessen the stupid crappy crappiness that is the pill. So, perhaps the discussion should not be "let's give up on everything and start over." Perhaps it should be "let's continue my psychiatric medication and monitor my moods while trying a new or getting rid of this evil birth control pill."
#1 What about a IUD? I have the Mirena with no side effects.
ReplyDelete#2 When I was on Lexapro I craved alcohol, although it is only in hindsight I can see this. I was swilling a bottle of wine nearly every day! Which was probably why I gained weight lol. I am off it now and managing with 1 -2 xanax's a week which is just right for me. After I told my dr I didn't want to be on lexapro any more this was what we worked out together...
#3 why can you take all your meds at the same time so you don't forget?
Let me preface this by saying that you know that I'm crazy as a loon and take lots and lots of pills. I've also done the therapy bit. Success with both has not been without frustration, but I think it's been worth it.
ReplyDelete1) I want to punch the people who did that study. Remember that they are talking about therapy AND a placebo replacing the meds. I think that the key is therapy. For some people that is enough. Also, those people might not have 5 small kids or insurance that doesn't cover it or... whatever makes therapy a nice idea, but not really practical.
2) Is it possible to change The Pill and the psych meds separately? That way it will be a little more obvious which one was causing which problem. [I had no luck with The Pill. Hated it like poison even though it helped with cramps.] It also made my depression worse. Much worse.
3) I have a pill organizer that's green and pink and cute and doesn't make me feel like granny. Once a week I fill it and then I can see every time that I go into the bathroom that I did (or didn't) take my meds. It's been a lifesaver since I am so disorganized.
4) I've found the journal thing to be very helpful. Sometimes I use journals or Post-Its around the house. Lately, since I've been using Fertility Friend, I've added that info as the day progresses. It's not perfect, but I saw that my PMS-type symptoms were for about two weeks. Holy toledo!
5) From what I've read, major depression (if that's what you have) is harder to treat every time you relapse. So, every time I quit the meds and then get depressed and go back on them, it's harder to treat. It's maddening.
Anyway, I do feel for you. I really do. It is so hard to try yet another medication and have it not work or have awful side effects--or my personal favorite--both.
I'd like to see that alcohol study. I am suspicious because I'm wondering if the people really CRAVE alcohol, or they just want to drink a lot because they are depressed/anxious and they think drinking will help them feel better/calm down.
ReplyDeleteMy anti-anxiety drug makes me tired if I take it in the morning, so I switched to at night. Could you consider the same? Also, my primary care doc just put me on Vitamin D for energy. She prescribed them for me and it's a pill I only have to take once a month because it is powerful and apparently it stays in your system. Haven't started yet so can't confirm but it could be worth looking into.
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a while to find a med that works for you or that you are comfortable on. But yeah, you could definitely talk to the doc about other options. Different depression pills work in different ways; if you've only tried SSRIs, maybe now you try something different...
Farrell- The alcohol thing wasn't a study, it was just a lot of people reporting it themselves. Like, Mike typed in the name of the medication and the word alcohol and found a bunch of people on message boards saying "This medication seems to be making me...crave alcohol? Could that be right? I've never really done any drinking before and suddenly I want it all the time." And then other people saying, "OMG ME TOO!!! I thought I was a freak!" and then a bunch of other people saying the same thing happened to them.
ReplyDeleteI wonder, too, about how much drinking is self-medication. It really does calm my anxiety---better than xanax or whatevs. Though only temporarily, and with more side effects, sadly.
I've been on anti-depressants and The Pill for a long time too, and have thought about getting off one or both of them before. I've had times where I've forgotten, run out, not had the money for the antidepressant and have found that: the first day without it I feel pretty good, almost better than usual, the second day not so much, and by the third day I'm usually a weeping or raging mess, and I DO feel better once I get back on (but that's just me). The Pill is tough too - I know my hormones are wacky and that has a lot to do with my moods - what if its standing in the way of the antidepressant? But my moods were wacked before too (plus the wicked awful debilitating periods), so its hard to say whether I'm better off with or without. Sorry I don't know what the right answer is, I'm just saying I know it sucks not knowing which side of the fence is better/worse.
ReplyDelete