The first time I drank too much was awhile back, a couple of months ago I think. I didn't drink more than usual but I'd eaten much less than usual, so what happened was I felt so drowsy I was queasy, and I went to bed at 7:30.
Last night was the second time. I didn't notice it so much at the time; I noticed it this morning. I still didn't get a hangover, but what I'm finding exceedingly unpleasant is frequent thoughts along the lines of "Wait...did I brush the kids' teeth last night?" and "I don't really remember getting him into his pajamas last night."
There aren't any actual blanks: each unpleasant struggle to remember is followed by the ability to remember, albeit foggily and after too long a pause. But I'd really, REALLY like to never do that again. I HATE this feeling.
Also, the time SPED by last night. I couldn't believe how quickly it was 8:00, then 10:00. I didn't like that, either. Then my sleep was disrupted: I had lots of dreams and I kept waking up again and again. Bleah.
This morning I was STARVING and had a huge serving of leftover chicken and baked potato for breakfast. I didn't want to drink coffee because I want to make my sleep as good as possible tonight, so I felt foggy all morning and I dozed off while the 2-year-old was napping.
So anyway, I'm just reporting in. I like Jess's idea of consciously tracking the drinking the way someone might consciously track eating. I also like the idea of being accountable for missteps, and for now this is a good place for me to do that---I don't really want to confide in Mike about it. I'm not going to drink today or Friday; I do plan to drink tomorrow and Saturday for bow-chicka-bow-bow reasons, but I'm going to keep it light and then I have no plans to drink for the week following, though no plans NOT to either so we'll see how things work out. Okay, so anyway, thanks for letting me check in.
Whenever I drink more than 2 or 3 drinks, I don't sleep well AT ALL. So I know exactly the waking up multiple times and foggy feeling you're talking about.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great idea to track the drinking like you would food. Also, track how you feel and you can figure out how much is enough, how much is too much, etc. (I'm a scientist, I think all problems can be solved with research). ;)
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ReplyDeleteI have been DRUNK twice in the past few months (while out with friends/hubby and kids were in the care of others). As in majorly hung over the next day. I really wouldn't worry about it unless you start craving it daily and feel like you can't function unless you have "just a shot". I'm no expert, but we are drinkers in our family (is it the Swedish? or German? Swedish, I think) and what you describe here is nothing. And we have no "official" alcoholics in our family. Just a lot of beer lovin swedes. :0) I hope you don't worry too much.
ReplyDeleteI know someone who still goes to bars with her spouse and they get rowdy and kicked out and even do the whole swinging thing. So, you know, your stuff seems pretty tame!
I think it is so easy to judge people by the little bit of their life they put out here for us to read, but next to impossible to get it right.
ReplyDeleteIf you are worried about your drinking, I think keeping track is a good idea. It probably wouldn't hurt to speak to your therapist about it, but from little I know of you (look at me: JUDGING) I don't think you would feel comfortable with that, even if you didn't suspect you had a problem. Alcoholism and other addictions manifest in so many different ways, you can't go by a book definition, so it probably is not the the number of drinks you should be recording, but when you "need" a drink and why.
Oooh, excellent! I was wondering what you thought of my suggestion and now I know! This should be a very interesting experiment.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a very good idea, but I do worry about your trolls. People have been very quick to criticize your life as you report it here.
ReplyDeleteAfter making and then eating your popovers with nutella, I am a devoted ConstanceTheFirst follower.
ReplyDeleteI'm not without my own personal panache that most of your sycophants abhor, but I am here to say that I support you in your general endeavors and you generally bring a spot of cheer to my day.
Regards,
Your Personal Troll
I just got caught up on my Constance reading and found this alcohol topic veddy interesting.
ReplyDeleteI think if you've read my blog for awhile you've probably seen my self-medicating of choice is with opiates. Speaking in generalities, because my therpaist tells me it doesn't matter the substance only the fact that there IS a substance is the point, I think the best part about the whole situation is that you and Mike had the conversation about it. While it's still something that's only really owned by you, the fact he's your spouse and seems like a supportive one, is really good because you ARE able to bounce some ideas off of him and have open communication and I think that's really necessary to keep things out in the open - for the most part. I don't share with Brian every living thought I had/have about taking painkillers, but when I finally opened up to him about having a problem and wanting to do something about it, he was totally supportive and it made my recovery a lot easier because I no longer felt like I was having to deal with it alone.
Not that I think you're an alcoholic; I don't. But I think it's really good you, A: recognized there may be need for some concern, B: talked to Mike about it and C: are practicing a little self-checking to keep yourself aware of the situation. Especially the last one, because as long as you're thinking about it, I think you can stay on top of it. And er, on top of HIM when the need, ahem, arises. *Groan*