One reason I posted some stuff from my mom on my regular blog is that I thought it was really funny. The other reason is that it doesn't give a very good picture of her if I only talk about here HERE when I'm VENTING.
She and I get along really, REALLY well. We have compatible temperaments. I moved here to live near her. We go shopping together twice a week. We email a lot. My dad reports that when we talk, both of us are talking simultaneously for 75% of the conversation.
But she's my MOM. And we spent a lot of time together in my childhood, and we spend a lot of time together now, so we're bound to have times when we bug each other. Things on my List:
1. The priority she gives to her job over all else. This has been a problem since my childhood.
2. Her religious beliefs, which I used to share and now don't.
3. Her beliefs about abortion, which I used to mostly share and now mostly don't.
4. Her beliefs about gay marriage, which cause me to burst into flame.
5. Her OCD and anxiety and depression, which she completely denies having (she strongly disapproves of all psychological stuff), but they had a big impact on my childhood.
6. Her feelings about premarital sex, affairs, and pretty women, which I've found really really annoying to hear rants about for more than 30 years.
7. Her...creative...storytelling, which includes a love of What Sounds Dramatic.
So she makes it to my Venting Blog fairly often, and it seemed like it would be nice to see her NOT on the Venting Blog.
Here is your assignment, if you want to have an assignment: Tell me about your mother issues. You can do it on your own Constance blog, on your own blog, or in the comments section. Or not at all, of course.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Life is So Unfair
Here is something that drives me nuts about Mike:
1. He will make a series of "easy way" decisions that have obvious, visible, predictable negative consequences.
2. He will continue to act as if those obvious, visible, predictable negative consequences have magically NOT happened.
3. He will then rail against the unfairness of the universe.
4. And because the situation is SO UNFAIR, he will retaliate by taking no measures to fix or reduce the negative effects.
For example:
We have outdoor trash cans. He left the lids off. So of course water got in. He then threw away a raw chicken wrapper without bagging it, to get it away from the cats. He then put a full bag of trash on top of that mess. A week later, he carried the VISIBLY DRIPPING bag of trash to the car and put it into the trunk. Then he took it out and said, "How did this WATER get here??" And when I said, "Do you want me to get some trash bags to put down underneath it?" he said, "TOO LATE NOW!" and heaved the dripping trash bag back into the trunk. Life is SO UNFAIR to him.
1. He will make a series of "easy way" decisions that have obvious, visible, predictable negative consequences.
2. He will continue to act as if those obvious, visible, predictable negative consequences have magically NOT happened.
3. He will then rail against the unfairness of the universe.
4. And because the situation is SO UNFAIR, he will retaliate by taking no measures to fix or reduce the negative effects.
For example:
We have outdoor trash cans. He left the lids off. So of course water got in. He then threw away a raw chicken wrapper without bagging it, to get it away from the cats. He then put a full bag of trash on top of that mess. A week later, he carried the VISIBLY DRIPPING bag of trash to the car and put it into the trunk. Then he took it out and said, "How did this WATER get here??" And when I said, "Do you want me to get some trash bags to put down underneath it?" he said, "TOO LATE NOW!" and heaved the dripping trash bag back into the trunk. Life is SO UNFAIR to him.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Hot Button Inventory
I have to stop venting here about religion. It's hurtful to others without being helpful to myself. Er, not that that would justify being hurtful to others. I mean that it seems like it's even dumber when there aren't even any benefits.
It's obviously one of the major issues in my life and one of my HUGE hot buttons, and so it SEEMS like the perfect thing to talk about on a secret blog where I won't hurt my religious family and friends---but of course I have religious friends HERE, too, and I really DON'T want to hit them with my Issue Shrapnel. When I think about it from their point of view, I cringe.
I really don't know what my problem is. Mike isn't religious either, but he has an attitude of "What's it to ME if other people believe in gods or fairies or auras or whatevs?" I'd like to have that attitude myself, but for some reason I don't. I have that attitude with a lot of other issues (I really don't see why people care so much about other people's birth experiences or eating habits or anything else that doesn't affect their own lives), but...well, my mom is STRONGLY RELIGIOUS, and so it's probably a Mom Issue combined with an Upbringing Issue combined with a Minister Dad Issue combined with a OMG Who Knows With These Things? Issue.
I'm curious now about what other people's hugest Hot Buttons are. You know how there are some things where you can totally roll your eyes at the way other people CARE SO MUCH, but some things where you yourself CARE SO MUCH? What do you CARE SO MUCH about that you can't make yourself LEAVE IT ALONE ALREADY?
It's obviously one of the major issues in my life and one of my HUGE hot buttons, and so it SEEMS like the perfect thing to talk about on a secret blog where I won't hurt my religious family and friends---but of course I have religious friends HERE, too, and I really DON'T want to hit them with my Issue Shrapnel. When I think about it from their point of view, I cringe.
I really don't know what my problem is. Mike isn't religious either, but he has an attitude of "What's it to ME if other people believe in gods or fairies or auras or whatevs?" I'd like to have that attitude myself, but for some reason I don't. I have that attitude with a lot of other issues (I really don't see why people care so much about other people's birth experiences or eating habits or anything else that doesn't affect their own lives), but...well, my mom is STRONGLY RELIGIOUS, and so it's probably a Mom Issue combined with an Upbringing Issue combined with a Minister Dad Issue combined with a OMG Who Knows With These Things? Issue.
I'm curious now about what other people's hugest Hot Buttons are. You know how there are some things where you can totally roll your eyes at the way other people CARE SO MUCH, but some things where you yourself CARE SO MUCH? What do you CARE SO MUCH about that you can't make yourself LEAVE IT ALONE ALREADY?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Childbirth
My sister-in-law had an awful childbirth experience. Not the worst---just standard awful. It was very slow: she was at 5 centimeters for so many hours, the doctors were worried. Her water broke when she was 8 or 9 centimeters, and she immediately developed a fever and various signs of infection.
She pushed for hours, and the baby was crowning but got no further. For HOURS. Her fever kept going higher and higher. They finally used forceps to avoid a c-section, and the pain intensified so suddenly and intensely that she was screaming and screaming, and my brother was sobbing (he's NOT a crying type---I haven't seen him cry since he was a small child), and both of them said that the sight of the baby's head in the forceps was horrible.
So---traumatic. One thing that makes it worse for them is that in their social group, the opinion is that labor does not involve pain, only pressure. And that the only reason some women feel pain is that they are SCARED they'll feel pain. So in their group, this childbirth experience means my sister-in-law failed: she gave in and felt fear; therefore, she felt pain. Furthermore, she had "interventions" (the forceps, the hospital environment itself) which means she thwarted the natural and beautiful birth experience, so NO WONDER she felt pain.
Plus, they're Christians. So their Bible tells them that God did this on purpose: made all women suffer terrible pain in childbirth to punish one woman who gave in to a temptation. It puzzles me that anyone would want to follow a God who would do that, but I guess that's not the point. The point is that one of the comforts of religion is supposed to be prayer and asking God for help in times of distress, but of course you can't really pray for help or comfort to the God who chose on purpose to make you suffer like this and won't change his mind even after hundreds of generations of pain and screaming and suffering and death.
I'm upset that my sister-in-law had such a bad time, and it's very upsetting to imagine her screaming and my brother crying (they're both laid-back, calm people), and especially because she doesn't have anyone to turn to here: her religious group thinks the pain was deserved, and her social group thinks the pain means she did it wrong.
I'm so glad and grateful, though, that in the end my sister-in-law is alive and healthy, and my niece is alive and healthy. It's nice that what I consider "awful" doesn't involve death.
She pushed for hours, and the baby was crowning but got no further. For HOURS. Her fever kept going higher and higher. They finally used forceps to avoid a c-section, and the pain intensified so suddenly and intensely that she was screaming and screaming, and my brother was sobbing (he's NOT a crying type---I haven't seen him cry since he was a small child), and both of them said that the sight of the baby's head in the forceps was horrible.
So---traumatic. One thing that makes it worse for them is that in their social group, the opinion is that labor does not involve pain, only pressure. And that the only reason some women feel pain is that they are SCARED they'll feel pain. So in their group, this childbirth experience means my sister-in-law failed: she gave in and felt fear; therefore, she felt pain. Furthermore, she had "interventions" (the forceps, the hospital environment itself) which means she thwarted the natural and beautiful birth experience, so NO WONDER she felt pain.
Plus, they're Christians. So their Bible tells them that God did this on purpose: made all women suffer terrible pain in childbirth to punish one woman who gave in to a temptation. It puzzles me that anyone would want to follow a God who would do that, but I guess that's not the point. The point is that one of the comforts of religion is supposed to be prayer and asking God for help in times of distress, but of course you can't really pray for help or comfort to the God who chose on purpose to make you suffer like this and won't change his mind even after hundreds of generations of pain and screaming and suffering and death.
I'm upset that my sister-in-law had such a bad time, and it's very upsetting to imagine her screaming and my brother crying (they're both laid-back, calm people), and especially because she doesn't have anyone to turn to here: her religious group thinks the pain was deserved, and her social group thinks the pain means she did it wrong.
I'm so glad and grateful, though, that in the end my sister-in-law is alive and healthy, and my niece is alive and healthy. It's nice that what I consider "awful" doesn't involve death.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Normal
I've been having a series of crappy days. I don't feel like playing with the kids. I feel resentful of their basic needs. I can't believe the mess in the house, and yet I don't seem to be doing anything about it.
Hi! This is all perfectly normal. It is normal to occasionally feel this way about any job and any life. If it's not normal FOR YOU, that doesn't mean it's abnormal, just that it's not normal FOR YOU. For me, and for many many others, it is normal.
It's hard for me to understand why this isn't something that makes sense to everyone, but there it is. I guess that just because it's normal for ME to think there are a lot of different kinds of normal, that doesn't mean it's normal for EVERYONE to think so. (See how I do that automatically? Just because I don't understand something doesn't mean it's automatically CRAZY AND WEIRD. All it means is that it's someone else's normal---not familiar to me because it's not MY normal.)
Hi! This is all perfectly normal. It is normal to occasionally feel this way about any job and any life. If it's not normal FOR YOU, that doesn't mean it's abnormal, just that it's not normal FOR YOU. For me, and for many many others, it is normal.
It's hard for me to understand why this isn't something that makes sense to everyone, but there it is. I guess that just because it's normal for ME to think there are a lot of different kinds of normal, that doesn't mean it's normal for EVERYONE to think so. (See how I do that automatically? Just because I don't understand something doesn't mean it's automatically CRAZY AND WEIRD. All it means is that it's someone else's normal---not familiar to me because it's not MY normal.)
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