Here's one of the things I find so puzzling in a relationship with unequally-matched sexual appetites (which would be almost ALL relationships): why would the person who wants it MORE keep wanting to do it even when the other person is obviously getting NOTHING out of it? I'd be embarrassed to be the only one having a good time. I'd feel silly and self-conscious. I'd rather Do It only when we were BOTH into it, and then Take Care Of It Myself the rest of the time.
It's the same way I am when I want to chat and he doesn't: I pick up on his cues, and I choose another time to talk, a time when he's more interested in talking. Or when I want to go shopping and he doesn't, I either wait until he's in the mood to go too, or I go by myself. ...Er, or I talk/shop with someone else, but this is where the analogy really falls apart.
Maybe this is one of those situations where the saying, "Hope springs eternal" applies. Perhaps the Large Appetite-ed one just keeps HOPING that ONE of those times the other partner is going to be like, "Oh! You're right! This actually IS awesome and we should do this twice a day."
ReplyDeleteThat and, I'm pretty sure taking care of yourself gets old after awhile. Even a begrudging and obligatory partner is better than a lonely shower.
The more you do it, the more you want it. ;) I personally try to never turn my partner down (not that I even have the option of having my partner at the moment because he's overseas), but when he is...if he asks, I give up. ;) I find I get into it very quickly even if I wasn't in the mood at all before that.
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head: in a relationship where the drives differ, the sex life is dictated by the one with the LESSER drive. The one with the higher drive will have to take care of himself (or in my case, herself) until the other party is ready. Also, high-partner must let low-partner dictate the frequency, must not push for more than low-partner wants, unless they want to risk even FEWER occasions. The less high-partner pushes, the more low-partner may be willing, factoring in other stressors.
ReplyDeleteThat's just what I've learned, being the one who wants pizza every day. My husband could go for it 1-2 times a week max, and the ONLY times we end up with 2-3 times a week is if it is a vacation and there are NO stressors.
Low-desire partner gets to dictate the frequency, and I have several vibrators to keep my company otherwise.
Also. imho, high-partner should be allowed pr0n as well as toys, their hand, etc, in order to take care of themselves.
word verification: untrysti
In my experience, it's not so much of the "being embarrassed" as it is "feeling bad for the other partner" because they aren't getting much out of it. Also, if the man isn't in the mood, it's very difficult to do the deed. The other way around, though-- not such a problem physically, but it's the emotional thing that gets me. I don't want to behave or demand things in a way that my partner feels is unfair or "too much" for them to handle or enjoy.
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