Complaint Policy: Addendum 1

I didn't think it was necessary but evidently it is: we need a "appropriate time and place" addendum to the Complaint Policy.


Perfectly acceptable complaint: Our children are driving us crazy.

Examples of appropriate complaining:
1. On our blogs which are about our lives.
2. To like-minded friends.
3. To our mothers who know we want them to cluck and say words like "normal" and "over soon," rather than saying, "OMG yes, those little shits are driving me BERSERK."

Examples of inappropriate complaining:
1. To a friend whose child just died.
2. At that child's funeral.
3. In the comment section of a blog about infertility struggles.



Perfectly acceptable complaint: Our spouses are driving us crazy.

Examples of appropriate complaining:
1. On our blogs which are about our lives.
2. To like-minded friends.
3. To our mothers who know we aren't looking for the response, "I've never understood why you married that schmuck."

Examples of inappropriate complaining:
1. To widows/widowers.
2. To a friend whose spouse is an actual horrible person rather than a run-of-the-mill annoying one.
3. In the comment section of a blogger grieving for a lost spouse.



Perfectly acceptable complaint: Our jobs are driving us crazy.

Examples of appropriate complaining:
1. On our blogs which are about our lives.
2. To like-minded friends.
3. To our spouses who know we aren't looking for the response, "OMG I would totally trade MY job, which is ACTUALLY awful, for YOUR job, which is easy and pleasant."

Examples of inappropriate complaining:
1. To a friend who just lost her job and can't pay her bills.
2. To a co-worker, within earshot of your boss.
3. On our blogs, but with workplace-identifying details.



Perfectly acceptable complaint: There are downsides to being an at-home/working parent.

Examples of appropriate complaining:
1. On our blogs which are about our lives.
2. To like-minded friends.
3. To our spouses who know we aren't looking for the response, "You know, you're the one who wanted this" or "How do you think _I_ feel?"

Examples of inappropriate complaining:
1. To a friend who is doing the other option, using a communication style that implies that SHE is doing the LUXURIOUS and EASY and WONDERFUL option, whereas WE are STUCK and SUFFERING.
2. To a friend who is doing the other option, using a communication style that implies that SHE is doing it the way that damages her children, whereas WE are making huge sacrifices for our children because WE love them.
3. To our mothers who might say, "Well, dear, in MY day..."



Perfectly acceptable complaint: Someone we're voluntarily associating with is driving us KER-RAZY and everything they say is STUPID and WRONG.

Examples of appropriate complaining:
1. On our blogs which are about our lives.
2. To like-minded friends.
3. To spouses who totally take our side and suggest we not have anything to do with that cheesehead.

Examples of inappropriate complaining:
1. To a friend, within earshot of the krazy-maker.
2. To spouses who say, "Well....then why are you still voluntarily associating with her, dumbass?"
3. In spray-paint on the wall of the krazy-maker's house, or in the comment section of the krazy-maker's blog.



Perfectly acceptable complaint: We're getting migraines every other day now.

Examples of appropriate complaining:
1. On our blogs which are about our lives.
2. To friends with similarly/less severe ailments---or, using moderation and perspective, to our friends with more serious ailments.
3. To the doctor who is going to give us DRUGS OMG GIVE US DRUGS.

Examples of inappropriate complaining:
1. To a friend undergoing treatment for a brain tumor.
2. To anyone we're talking to, if we start by saying "That's NOTHING, _I_...".
3. In the comment section of a blog about a child with cancer.



Just because a hotttie tight short dress is appropriate for a club, that doesn't mean it's ALWAYS appropriate EVERYWHERE (funerals, office job). And just because complaining about things that bother us is appropriate, that doesn't mean it's ALWAYS appropriate EVERYWHERE.