I get so tired of my mom saying negative things about how crazy other religions are, when hers is NO DIFFERENT. It makes me want to join another religion just so she can be the one driven crazy for awhile. She could splutter, "But that makes no SENSE!" and I could be the one saying, "That's how the followers of my religion are SUPPOSED to seem to The World." Then she could say, "But that's VERIFIABLY UNTRUE!!" and I could be the one saying, "You need to have FAITH beyond what your eyes can see." And then she could say, "But there is ZERO evidence that any of this is real!" and I could be the one saying, "But I know it's true because I feel it in my heart." And then she could say, "Listen, that god you're following sounds like a TOTAL ASSHOLE even if he DOES exist," and I could snap, "You don't know him!!!"
And she's so SENSITIVE. In a silly Kung Fu movie we were watching, at the end the fighters turn to the best fighter and call him "Master." So my mom said sarcastically that she guessed he was GOD now. Er, no, "Master" is what they call the person who has best MASTERED a skill or art. The Old Dutch Masters were PAINTERS, not GODS.
My mom is a Master Knitter, for another example. ;)
ReplyDeleteOMG. My mom and your mom are of the same religious group, I will BET YOU MONEY. She has learned that if she continues to talk about her religion to me, as if she is RIGHT and ALL OTHERS are wrong, she will no longer have a good relationship with me, so she's dropped it. However, I look back at my church-going days and think about the GARBAGE that was preached to us, and I really want to vomit.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah. I hear ya.
I hear you. I HEAR YOU. I don't think I'd object to religious stuff all that much if my mom didn't keep talking shit about other religions and if I didn't have to keep biting my tongue to keep from arguing about it. Her tone of voice when she says something religiously smug makes me want to set a church on fire. Religion seems to make people kind of stupid.
ReplyDeleteMy family is religious too, and I think if they knew how awful they make religion sound to non-religious people, they'd stop talking about it so much. Every reference to blessings and fellowship, every time they pretend to feel sorry for people who don't know the comfort of Our Lord, every time they read their Bibles without caring that their God destroyed whole towns for his people or sent wild animals to kill children who made fun of his prophets, it's amazing to me that anyone is religious at all. I assume it's a brain chemical problem.
ReplyDeleteIf you were to look up "Southern Baptist" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of my inlaws and they'd be smiling smugly and holding up a New Testament, ready to turn to page whatever and read you a little something. It's not that I have anything against Baptists per se, but whenever they get on that trip, I summon my very small knowledge of Judaism and all of a sudden become Super Jew. And when my Jewish relatives question me as to why I put up a Christmas tree, I tell them it's because I think Jesus is number one. In summary: don't try to force ANY religion on me or I will turn into an a-hole.
ReplyDeleteI think your new religion should worship the kung fu master. ;)
ReplyDeleteTell your mom you're a Pastafarian now. I bet the Flying Spaghetti Monster would blow her mind. ;-p
ReplyDeleteI was raised Christian, and I am far more tolerant of and interested in other religions than the evangelical right-wing nut cases. It's their certainty. If you haven't seen the movie Doubt - go see it!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's my messed up brain chemistry that finds it hilarious that your mom was offended by the use of the word Master. haha
ReplyDeleteSrsly? No one can be called Master?
Holy cow, your mom drives me crazy and I am only hearing a brief description of the things she does. OMG I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Your mom and my MIL must hang out.
ReplyDelete