Oh hello! Would you like to hear more WHINING about my BASICALLY PERFECT LIFE? WELL YOU ARE IN LUCK.
Awhile back, when I decided to try psychiatric medication, it was because of problems with anxiety. I felt all wound up, like I could snap out at any moment---and I often DID snap out. I went on Prozac (daily) and Ativan (as needed).
Now my problem is the opposite: I feel listless and sad, and like all of life is drudgery and repetition followed by decrepitude and death. I always feel tired; I'd love to go back to bed. I have trouble getting motivated or feeling like anything matters. Time gets away from me. Coffee doesn't affect me.
On one hand, there are improvements: I'm no longer lying awake imagining the horrifying deaths of everyone I know and love, for example. I don't get angry or frustrated as easily, and I have more control over how I handle anger/frustration. I can more easily shrug off things that don't hugely matter in the universal scheme of things, such as a child forgetting to bring his homework to school. If my mom says something that causes my teeth to do injury to my tongue, I stop thinking about it after a reasonable amount of time, rather than weaving a giant, permanent brain tapestry of it.
But on the other hand, I don't think the swap is worth it. I wouldn't say I'd RATHER be buzzing with fretfulness than flopping with ennui, but neither one is pleasant and it would be nicer to find something in the middle. I think it's probably time to try a different medication, but the idea of that makes me feel fretful AND floppy. I really hate going to a psychiatrist and saying, "Oh hey, I have nothing to be miserable about but I'm miserable anyway."
I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR. I am feeling fretful/snappish and floppy all at once myself. I HATE those feelings. All of them.
ReplyDeleteI think it is good that you keep good tabs on your mental state and work at trying to be where you want to be. I don't have any answers for you, just lots of sympathy. I think February is the WORST MONTH OF THE YEAR. I HATE freaking February. I am just telling myself to hang in there one more week and then it will be March and things will be (marginally) better. Then, I just have to make it through til April and it will be GOOD. Right? Riiiight? God, I hope so.
Hang in there. Take some Vitamin D. Cut yourself some slack! Go shopping!
I am so sorry the Prozac isn't quite working. I know it seems laborious to go back to the doctor (especially with how you are feeling right now) but I think it is worth it.
ReplyDeleteMy normal state in super high anxiety plus the feelings you have now. Sucky.
I started Lexapro about two months ago and have had wonderful results. From what I've read/heard it is one of the meds with the least complications/side effects.
Hey! You are the first person I told!
I am thinking of you and hoping you feel better.
I think that "I have nothing to be miserable about but I'm miserable anyway" has to be something psychiatrists hear EVERY SINGLE DAY. I definitely don't think it's anything to feel bad about.
ReplyDeleteI am not prone to anxiety, but I AM prone to this side of the spectrum, so I know how terrible it feels. It's such a BEATING to keep trying on the medication thing, but it seems like the type of beating that might be worth it?
I hate when people say that. Um. LEAST HELPFUL COMMENT EVER. Bye.
I would look into trying a different drug.
ReplyDeleteYes, the fact that you are miserable with "nothing to be miserable about" indicates there IS something whacked out with the brain chemicals. One of my best friend's mom is a psych doctor and she always says people and doctors need to be patient enough to spend time and find the correct drug combo for each person and many people give up too soon. I know you've invested a lot of time and energy trying to get yourself better; please don't give up now. I've heard really good things about Lexipro too, but it doesn't matter - your doctor should hear what you have to say and then try to come up with a new plan for different meds. Just because this one didn't work doesn't mean the next one won't.
ReplyDeleteLike the theme song to the Bionic Man said: WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.
I believe these meds are supposed to help you feel like your normal, healthy self. So if you don't, then that's worth a conversation.
ReplyDeleteI think if coffee isn't affecting you positively, that alone is indicative of a serious, attention-worthy problem. Dude, coffee is a LIFELINE. It's the only legal stimulant drug!
ReplyDeleteMy word verification is rewoofle. Hee.
I'm sorry you are not getting good results--feeling more depressed while taking an antidepressant isn't a desired result, for sure. A couple of my friends had to switch medications and it was such a pain but now they are glad they did.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the psychiatrist is not going to think you are whiny because you have "nothing to be miserable about" because that is what the chemical imbalance in your brain is MAKING you feel. (I know all about feeling guilty for feeling anxious/depressed.)
I remember reading once that antidepressants will make you not depressed, but they won't necessarily make you happy.
ReplyDeletePersonally? I totally and thoroughly recommend therapy. It's what got me out of the Crippling Anxiety Peppered With Impromptu Panic Attacks cycle several years ago.
I'm sorry you still feel bad. :(
I really wish this was going better for you...
ReplyDeleteBoo. I have no thoughtful advice, maybe just the assvice of keep on trying different stuff/combos to make you feel like your better balanced? Or maybe (and I am going out on a limb here) what you need isn't so much of a medication change as much as a LIFE change? Like maybe, take some online classes, or join some sort of group with some fun hobby, or something along those lines? I know, I know, with a family as large as yours time isn't just lying around waiting to be used, but you know, just a thought.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I know, if an antidepressant is leading to these types of feelings, it's definitely time to change it up. You shouldn't be feeling like this. It should NOT make you feel miserable. Not that it will make you the happiest person on the face of the earth, but it should not make you miserable. Talk to your doctor! :)
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I know EXACTLY what you mean, I had the same trouble. But once I found the right psychiatric medication, it was WELL WORTH IT. I still felt myself, but more comfortable in my own skin, and much more RELAXED. Keep searching!!
ReplyDeleteI have used Lexapro. Go to your doctor again and make him/her write you a prescription. Not that I have a ton of experience with depression meds, but the last time my husband deployed, I couldn't stop crying and my doctor prescribed Lexapro. It worked beautifully with NO FLOPPINESS. It just took away the crying and I was able to function as normal. I only ever noticed one side affect when I take it for extended periods of time, and it won't bother you at all, but your hubby might not be thrilled by it...
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